Professor Butter Beard and “The Tetrarchs”
Willy Wonka: “Well, I told you I hadn’t got it right, ‘cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It’s the blueberry pie that does it. I’m terribly sorry!”
Violet Beauregard: “Mother, what’s happening to me?”
Grandpa Joe: “She’s swelling up!”
Charlie: “Like a blueberry!”
Willy Wonka: “I’ve tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended us as a blueberry. It’s just weird!”
- “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,” 1971
How can you not giggle at a human blueberry? I must admit that Violet is just one of my favorite blue-hued characters. How about Jennifer Lawrence shimmering in blue as Mystique? Or the glowing chuckling genie in Aladdin? The cookie monster. Sexy Papa Smurf. The mysterious (and may I say disturbing) blue men playing music in a group. Heck, even my 3rd century Picts were drawn with fabulous tattoos decorating their blue-dyed skin.
But it was the four carved Tetrarchs that established blue as cool. The original Tetrarchs were a group of four men chosen to rule the growing Roman Empire in the 3rd century. The idea created by Emperor Diocletian was to have not one Roman Emperor but two – one ruling in the east and the other in the west. Each of these two Emperors would have an assistant, an heir, ready to take over on the death of the “Senior Augusti.” These at-the-ready sidekicks were each known as “Junior Caesars.” Collectively, this distinguished quartet was known as “The Tetrarchs.”
The sculpted portrait of the four Tetrarchs originally stood in Constantinople, the capital city of the Eastern Roman Empire, for almost 1,000 years. It was stolen by the Venetians when they sacked the city in the early 13th century during the Fourth Crusade. When the Venetian raiders ripped the artwork from its two original posts, they accidentally broke a foot off one of the emperors. The limb remained lost until the 1960s, when it was discovered during an archaeological excavation in Istanbul. The Venetians brought the rest of the statue—sans the broken foot—back with them to Venice, where it has guarded the southwest corner of St. Mark’s Basilica since the Middle Ages.
The figures are described as stout and blocky. Stiff and rigid. But when I look into their eyes, I see four royal Hobbits, armed for battle, staring in a kind of faraway dreamlike trance. Maybe imagining second breakfast or an afternoon smoke. The faces of the four are identical, except for the addition of manicured beards on the two elders. Four large hands grip their swords, and their arms appear rather enlarged in order to grab the shoulders of their companions in a gesture of absolute solidarity.
Scholars believe that porphyry as the material choice, with its regal purple-red hue, was a bold and specific statement for late Imperial Rome. Viewers would immediately understand that these figures were not regular citizens, but many levels above, even reaching to the status of gods, and worthy of respect. Porphyry also stood in for the physical purple robes Roman emperors would wear to emphasize their status. Similar to carving porphyry, purple fabric was extremely difficult to make, as purple required the use of hundreds of snails to make the dye. The color itself would have caused the citizens to remember how they were to behave in the presence of the real emperors wearing the real fabric, with respect bordering on worship for their self-proclaimed god-kings.
I chose to honor these blue-hued Hobbit god-kings with a summer almond pastry, delightfully crisp and chewy, enhanced with fiery ginger, crowned with four blueberry compatriots and glazed with a tart tangerine marmalade. Go ahead and double the recipe. Why enjoy only one dozen, when you could easily enjoy two? Just promise to take an evening stroll or swim after indulging or Willy’s Oompa Loompas may be sent to roll you away with a song…..
Blueberry Financiers Glazed with Tangerine Marmalade
Makes 12 (I always double the recipe and make two dozen)
8 Tablespoons unsalted butter, browned and slightly cooled
½ cup slices almonds, toasted and cooled
1 ½ cups almond flour (I prefer Bob’s Red Mill)
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup confectioners’ sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp fine sea salt
4 large egg whites
1 tsp vanilla paste
1 pint fresh blueberries
½ cup tangerine (or orange) marmalade
1) Toast the almond slices in a non-stick skillet until darkened in color and aromatic. Set aside to cool completely.
2) In the same pan as used for the almonds, melt the butter and cook on medium heat until the foam stops sizzling and the butter gives off a nutty aroma. Pour off into a glass container and let cool slightly.
3) Spray your muffin pan with baking spray and preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
4) In a medium bowl, whisk together the almond flour, the sugars, the all-purpose flour, ginger and salt. Pour the dry mix into a food processor.
5) While the machine is running, add the four egg whites one at a time. Then add the vanilla paste. Turn the machine off and add the toasted almonds. Pulse the machine twice to mix in the toasted slices.
6) Portion the batter into the muffin tins, filling each around 2/3 full. Place four or five blueberries on top of the batter (not touching the sides).
7) Bake for 20-22 minutes, rotating the pan after 15 minutes. Let cool in the pan for five minutes and then remove the small cakes to a wire rack.
8) Melt the marmalade in a small pan over low heat and then brush over the tops of the cakes.
9) The cakes are easier to serve if you place the cooled cakes in paper muffin liners before serving.
Detail of “The Tetrarchs,” c. 305 CE, Porphyry sculpture, Exterior corner of San Marco, Venice.
